I'm sorry that I have so seriously fallen behind with this blog. I'd love to have a reason for it, but mainly it's that I've just been too tired most of the time to write here. However, I do sincerely apologize.
I have put two of the three books recommended by Tara on my Amazon.com wish list. Unfortunately they don't come on Kindle which is how I get most of my books these days. But I still intend to read them. The second book she suggested, "Treating and Beating Fibromyalgia by Dr. Rodger Murphree", sounded interesting and he has a 2-CD seminar set out on CD that I would like to hear. I haven't been able to find that where it's available yet though.
I have read a book recently that I found fascinating, "The McDougall Program: 12 Days to Dynamic Health (Plume) by John A. McDougall and Mary McDougall. It discusses switching to a plant-based diet in order to help alleviate MANY illnesses and their side effects. I realize a lot of people are hesitant to try a 'vegetarian' diet because they can't get past the idea of giving up meat. My husband is very definitely one of them. And I admit, to a certain degree, I am as well. It's not the idea of giving up meat that bothers me. It's the fact that I REALLY don't care for veggies in general. But this program starts you out with a 12 day menu to try. First,I figure I can do anything for 12 days. Second, the recipes, for the most part, sound delicious. I don't see myself doing the Split Pea Soup because even the name makes my stomach wrench, but you can trade out recipes from other days for that one. So I'm good with that.
According to this book, the program will eliminate or help to lessen any number of ailments. While I don't go in for fantastic promises, this book makes valid points. I agreed to wait until after the holidays to initiate the program because my husband asked me too. {I think he is afraid of missing a big holiday meal if we aren't eating meat, lol} He and my son {who is almost to the point of being vegetarian now} have agreed to try this for twelve days. Hopefully by then we will see positive results and will have grown to like the plan thereby all staying on it after the trial period.
I have to get my new schedule and see what day will be best to start. Once I have a date, I'll advise you all here. Then I'll keep you apprised of how we're faring as we progress through the twelve days. It doesn't mention fibromyalgia in particular. However, it does mention weight stabilization which, in my case at least, would be a help I'm certain, along with hypertension and fatigue as symptoms which can / should be helped or eliminated by the food change. There are many others as well. To get more information on the program log onto: http://www.drmcdougall.com/ .
It may not be for everyone. It may not even be for me or my family once we try it. But it does sound promising.
Ok, on another note. In my honest opinion, the shots to the knees [Halygan] did little to no good. For a short while, I had high hopes, but truthfully, my knees hurt at least as bad now as they ever did. Some days much worse. Personally I don't intend to repeat them when that becomes an option. My husband believes that decision is based on the fact that roosters are involved. Partly that is true. I truly don't want to use something that causes harm or worse to an animal. But to be perfectly honest, I don't feel they were helpful enough, or for long enough to make it worthwhile to try them again.
You may have a totally different reaction. It may be exactly what you need to eliminate your pain. Each person is different. According to my doctor and his staff, they have one person who has used this treatment and remained relatively pain free for five years now. Unfortunately for me, that wasn't the case.
I have improved my sleep habits a bit. I'm still not sleeping through the entire night. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm not unless I take Tylenol Sore Throat liquid. When I was on that recently it was great. It's like Nyquil. Within a short time after taking it I was zonked. And I slept straight through the night. It was wonderful. Of course, it might have helped that my left ear is stopped up and since I sleep on my right side, I couldn't hear the cats rambling around either, lol. Who knows?
But it seems to me like I'm still exhausted lately. I realize that we're all more tired with all the added holiday preparations and festivities. That hasn't made for as many relaxing evenings as usual for most. But I've long since discovered that you can only do what you can do. Others will simply have to understand. I will be the first to tell you of my new shopping policy..."If you can't get it online or at the Wal-Green, you don't need it!" So, if you're expecting a present from me this year, it was either delivered to my door or it's from Wal-Green, lol. I love shopping online. You can avoid the crowds, the pushing and shoving and omg, the long lines you have to stand in. Physically I just can't do that anymore. And trust me, if I sit down somewhere it takes more and more to get me back up as the day goes on, lol.
My son told me he was going to buy me a scooter to ride on for Christmas. He is adamant that I need one for when we travel. At first I thought he was joking because walking long distances is difficult for me, but I do believe he was serious! I was just as adamant that he'd better not!! One of the reasons I'm insistent on avoiding that option, well there are two actually. One, because of what I do for a living, I can't let any weakness show. Right now, I'm at a tough point in my working life. Barely able to do what I have to do. I'm concerned that if we got into a really bad situation that required a great deal of walking I might not be able to hold up. Not that that is typical of our runs for the most part, but until you get on scene, you never know what you might be dealing with from one run to the next. Two, because of my weight and the fact that you can't see arthritis or fibromyalgia, I feel like everyone would look at me and only see a "fat lady" having to ride a scooter rather than someone w/a genuine illness. Am I the only one who feels this way? For those reasons, if I can't make the distance walking it on my own, I just avoid going. That limits my activities, which I hate, but I don't really know how else to do things at this point.
Ok.. I've rambled enough. More soon. Hope everyone is making the best of the holiday season in whatever way you choose to celebrate. Enjoy!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
First, I'd like to thank Tara for her comments. I'm looking forward to reading the books she suggested. {1. What your Doctor may not tell you about Fibromyalgia by Dr. Paul St. Amand, 2. Treating and Beating Fibromyalgia by Dr. Rodger Murphree, 3. The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf.} I would have loved to respond to Tara's comment, but unfortunately I haven't figured out how to do that on here yet, lol.
I never claimed to be a computer guru, no point in lying. Although it may take me a little while to figure out how to respond in the comments section, I want to encourage everyone to feel free to comment any time. I'm always anxious to hear what others think or new ideas.
Ok, I have to apologize for taking so long between postings. I have to confess that I've been reluctant to post that it's been more than three months and I haven't started my diet or my exercise program. Oh if good intentions were useful, I'd be sitting here wearing a size 5, ok... maybe a size 16, but still, that would be an improvement!
Once I wrap up this 48 hr shift, I'll start vacation. I have all the excuses lined up, don't want to start my diet while I'm on vacation, travelling, etc, then the holidays, and so much more. All the same excuses I've used for years upon years. Although I do want to wait until after vacation because we will be eating out alot and travelling, I still plan to start watching what I eat somewhat.
My new work schedule is very odd. We work 48 hours on duty, then have 96 hours off, repeating. I think this schedule will actually help in dieting. The town where my station is located doesn't have much in the way of restaurants so we typically bring whatever we eat during our shift. My new partner, whom I just love to pieces, is willing to eat healthy as well so that helps.
Speaking of my new partner, it turns out that she also has fibromyalgia. She was diagnosed when she was sixteen years old. It's wonderful having someone who knows and understands what I'm going through from day to day. Not that I'd wished this on her in any circumstances, but misery does love company.
Some days we're quite the pair, each of us moaning and shuffling across the room, lol. But for the most part, we manage alright.
Actually several things have happened since my last posting. As I said, I have a new partner at work. She is wonderful. I really enjoy working with her. We have a lot in common it seems. She cracks me up. I've moved to a new station which means I have all new crews besides ours. In late July, we put a new truck [ambulance] in service. That caused a huge shake up, six new employees, a new station and a new schedule came about as well. We were able to move based on seniority. I was fortunate enough to have enough seniority to be able to pick exactly which schedule and which station I wanted.
In days past, I would have easily chosen the busiest station without hesitation. That was always my favorite station. I liked the frenzied pace. I loved the constant flurry of activity. But when I began evaluating my choices this time, things were very different. I can't keep up the pace anymore. I looked for things that I never would have considered prior to my illnesses. One of my main issues was which station had or didn't have stairs I would have to climb regularly. Another concern was which stations had the most drama. And no, I do not mean drama in a good sense. I have little patience for employee drama and some stations have way more than their share of it here. [That isn't a by product of any illness, I've never had much of a stomach for drama and gossip, although the stress is certainly not wanted now.]
I chose a station that was a little farther from home, low run volume, no stairs and fortunately no drama / gossip. Working here and on this schedule has really helped though. I know working 48 hours on duty wouldn't be for a lot of people, but I prefer it. I put in my shift and then I have four days to recover, build up strength, etc. It really has screwed up my sleep habits though, which has me exhausted some days.
I have discovered how important good sleep is. When I don't have enough sleep or get good quality sleep, I feel like crap. The problem is difficulty sleeping is one of the many issues associated with fibromyalgia. I have started taking a single Tylenol PM when I go to bed at night. For the most part, it seems to help. Others I know take something to help them sleep as well, such as Ambien. An important thing to consider when deciding whether to take sleep aids [or which one to take] is not only the effect they have on your night's sleep, but how they make you feel the following day. I was taking two Tylenol PMs, and I slept really well, but the following day I was a drugged zombie all day. Everyone reacts differently. You just have to see what works well for you.
Another issue I have when sleeping is I have eight cats. Yes, I said eight. [We recently lost a furbaby we'd had for 18 years. The stress has been extremely hard]. But of the remaining eight, at least four or five feel the need to sleep on top of me or up against me all night long. It's like being wrapped in a cocoon and then having sandbags placed on top of you. So far, they haven't gotten the "just sleep over there" message very well.
I completed a series of shots for my knees. Initially I thought they were really going to make a big difference. Truth be told, not as much as I would have liked. There's some improvement, but not what I thought I'd have. It was a series of shots, once a week, five weeks, one shot per each knee. The drug was Halygan. At first I refused it because it's made w/the combs of roosters. I felt bad about using something that required an animal to die. [I'd love to be completely vegan if only I liked vegetables] However, my husband finally talked me into it. I've heard some pretty wicked stuff about the Synivisc shots which apparently is the precursor to this drug. Fortunately I didn't have any intense reactions to the shots. There was a small amount of pain at the time of injection, but with getting a shot in the knee, I'd say that was to be expected. The shots were just a stop gap measure trying to buy time until I get a total knee replacement on both knees. With my weight, it's just not an option right now. [Nor could I really afford the time off of work to recover from such a fiasco]. So, a little relief is better than none.
I've also been on a program where I've had two trial injections in my back. If they are successful [and I believe they have been], I will be a candidate for an ablasion to the minor nerve endings in that area to help bring some long term relief. My back doctor has been so enjoyable to work with. He has a wonderful sense of humor which certainly makes things easier, and he's open to working with me. My family doctor doesn't want me to have an opinion of my own on anything it seems. My orthopedic surgeon also has given me Tramadol, a pain reliever. I can have it as often as 2-3 times per day if necessary. I don't take it that often, usually a single time per day. But it's helped me through some rough days.
My goal w/the pain relief, the knee injections and the back procedure is to be able to walk for longer periods of time. I really need to get back on my feet and get back walking again so I can lose weight. No matter how much I diet, it won't be enough w/out exercise. I need to do both to get where I want to be. I've asked for a new pedometer for Christmas. I know I'll have to start off slow, but that's not a problem.
All of these things are working together to make things a bit better. The only other thing I wish I had access to is a muscle relaxer. I haven't talked to my doctor about it. Actually, I try to talk to my family doctor as little as possible. That's probably why I appreciate my ortho doctor so much. But I have so many muscle spasms that it would be nice to have something to alleviate those sometimes. I have them really intense in my upper back and around my rib cage. So much so that it's difficult to breathe at times. I could do without the spasms.
At any rate, I'm finally getting adjusted to the new schedule, except for my sleep patterns. I think things will start to fall into place more soon. The diet, exercise routine and other things I have going. I do have a little more energy on my days off. I always have a "to do" list. Occasionally I actually get a few things done from the list. Slowly but surely things are beginning to come into their own. Time will tell how it all comes out.
I never claimed to be a computer guru, no point in lying. Although it may take me a little while to figure out how to respond in the comments section, I want to encourage everyone to feel free to comment any time. I'm always anxious to hear what others think or new ideas.
Ok, I have to apologize for taking so long between postings. I have to confess that I've been reluctant to post that it's been more than three months and I haven't started my diet or my exercise program. Oh if good intentions were useful, I'd be sitting here wearing a size 5, ok... maybe a size 16, but still, that would be an improvement!
Once I wrap up this 48 hr shift, I'll start vacation. I have all the excuses lined up, don't want to start my diet while I'm on vacation, travelling, etc, then the holidays, and so much more. All the same excuses I've used for years upon years. Although I do want to wait until after vacation because we will be eating out alot and travelling, I still plan to start watching what I eat somewhat.
My new work schedule is very odd. We work 48 hours on duty, then have 96 hours off, repeating. I think this schedule will actually help in dieting. The town where my station is located doesn't have much in the way of restaurants so we typically bring whatever we eat during our shift. My new partner, whom I just love to pieces, is willing to eat healthy as well so that helps.
Speaking of my new partner, it turns out that she also has fibromyalgia. She was diagnosed when she was sixteen years old. It's wonderful having someone who knows and understands what I'm going through from day to day. Not that I'd wished this on her in any circumstances, but misery does love company.
Some days we're quite the pair, each of us moaning and shuffling across the room, lol. But for the most part, we manage alright.
Actually several things have happened since my last posting. As I said, I have a new partner at work. She is wonderful. I really enjoy working with her. We have a lot in common it seems. She cracks me up. I've moved to a new station which means I have all new crews besides ours. In late July, we put a new truck [ambulance] in service. That caused a huge shake up, six new employees, a new station and a new schedule came about as well. We were able to move based on seniority. I was fortunate enough to have enough seniority to be able to pick exactly which schedule and which station I wanted.
In days past, I would have easily chosen the busiest station without hesitation. That was always my favorite station. I liked the frenzied pace. I loved the constant flurry of activity. But when I began evaluating my choices this time, things were very different. I can't keep up the pace anymore. I looked for things that I never would have considered prior to my illnesses. One of my main issues was which station had or didn't have stairs I would have to climb regularly. Another concern was which stations had the most drama. And no, I do not mean drama in a good sense. I have little patience for employee drama and some stations have way more than their share of it here. [That isn't a by product of any illness, I've never had much of a stomach for drama and gossip, although the stress is certainly not wanted now.]
I chose a station that was a little farther from home, low run volume, no stairs and fortunately no drama / gossip. Working here and on this schedule has really helped though. I know working 48 hours on duty wouldn't be for a lot of people, but I prefer it. I put in my shift and then I have four days to recover, build up strength, etc. It really has screwed up my sleep habits though, which has me exhausted some days.
I have discovered how important good sleep is. When I don't have enough sleep or get good quality sleep, I feel like crap. The problem is difficulty sleeping is one of the many issues associated with fibromyalgia. I have started taking a single Tylenol PM when I go to bed at night. For the most part, it seems to help. Others I know take something to help them sleep as well, such as Ambien. An important thing to consider when deciding whether to take sleep aids [or which one to take] is not only the effect they have on your night's sleep, but how they make you feel the following day. I was taking two Tylenol PMs, and I slept really well, but the following day I was a drugged zombie all day. Everyone reacts differently. You just have to see what works well for you.
Another issue I have when sleeping is I have eight cats. Yes, I said eight. [We recently lost a furbaby we'd had for 18 years. The stress has been extremely hard]. But of the remaining eight, at least four or five feel the need to sleep on top of me or up against me all night long. It's like being wrapped in a cocoon and then having sandbags placed on top of you. So far, they haven't gotten the "just sleep over there" message very well.
I completed a series of shots for my knees. Initially I thought they were really going to make a big difference. Truth be told, not as much as I would have liked. There's some improvement, but not what I thought I'd have. It was a series of shots, once a week, five weeks, one shot per each knee. The drug was Halygan. At first I refused it because it's made w/the combs of roosters. I felt bad about using something that required an animal to die. [I'd love to be completely vegan if only I liked vegetables] However, my husband finally talked me into it. I've heard some pretty wicked stuff about the Synivisc shots which apparently is the precursor to this drug. Fortunately I didn't have any intense reactions to the shots. There was a small amount of pain at the time of injection, but with getting a shot in the knee, I'd say that was to be expected. The shots were just a stop gap measure trying to buy time until I get a total knee replacement on both knees. With my weight, it's just not an option right now. [Nor could I really afford the time off of work to recover from such a fiasco]. So, a little relief is better than none.
I've also been on a program where I've had two trial injections in my back. If they are successful [and I believe they have been], I will be a candidate for an ablasion to the minor nerve endings in that area to help bring some long term relief. My back doctor has been so enjoyable to work with. He has a wonderful sense of humor which certainly makes things easier, and he's open to working with me. My family doctor doesn't want me to have an opinion of my own on anything it seems. My orthopedic surgeon also has given me Tramadol, a pain reliever. I can have it as often as 2-3 times per day if necessary. I don't take it that often, usually a single time per day. But it's helped me through some rough days.
My goal w/the pain relief, the knee injections and the back procedure is to be able to walk for longer periods of time. I really need to get back on my feet and get back walking again so I can lose weight. No matter how much I diet, it won't be enough w/out exercise. I need to do both to get where I want to be. I've asked for a new pedometer for Christmas. I know I'll have to start off slow, but that's not a problem.
All of these things are working together to make things a bit better. The only other thing I wish I had access to is a muscle relaxer. I haven't talked to my doctor about it. Actually, I try to talk to my family doctor as little as possible. That's probably why I appreciate my ortho doctor so much. But I have so many muscle spasms that it would be nice to have something to alleviate those sometimes. I have them really intense in my upper back and around my rib cage. So much so that it's difficult to breathe at times. I could do without the spasms.
At any rate, I'm finally getting adjusted to the new schedule, except for my sleep patterns. I think things will start to fall into place more soon. The diet, exercise routine and other things I have going. I do have a little more energy on my days off. I always have a "to do" list. Occasionally I actually get a few things done from the list. Slowly but surely things are beginning to come into their own. Time will tell how it all comes out.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
50 Years Young
I turned 50 years old yesterday. I never, in all of my life, imagined myself at 50 years old. On one hand, I don't feel like I've been around for a half century. But on the other hand, my body seems ancient lately.
I've decided to start making changes that will, hopefully, buy back some time for myself. I know I won't be any younger, but at least I want to physically feel younger than I have the past couple of years. This means a diet and exercise regime. For the most part, I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent woman. I KNOW that means eating w/restraint, passing up the brownies [which are my weakness] and getting myself moving.
Therein lies the biggest problem for me. Since I ache ALL over, how can I get moving more? I have a home gym that really gets very little use. Ok.. it gets NO use. Except for the one time I did use it to pull myself up off the floor when I fell down the stairs. But I doubt that really counts.
I've decided the best way to start out is SLOW. These days I'm all about slow! I'm going to start out w/10-15 minutes a day, a couple of times a day. Then begin to build up as I improve my stamina. {and my Ben Gay stock}
I go to see my knee doctor tomorrow. I'm hopeful that he can do something to ease the pain in my knees. The cortisone shot he gave me on the last visit was phenomenal for about three days. Then it disappeared. I'm not exactly sure how all that works, but maybe another shot will last longer this time.
If I could get out and walk that would be the greatest help of all. But my knees are so sore that if I tried to walk around the block Allen would probably have to follow me in the car to pick me up.
Next is watching what I eat so I can lose weight. As I said, I'm intelligent enough to know that all the extra weight I carry is not helping at all. But what my brain knows and what the rest of my body does very seldom meshes.
Once the local homegrown tomatoes start to come in, I'll do alright. Unfortunately they don't stay in season long enough for me to lose all the weight I need to lose. I LOVE homegrown tomatoes. I can eat them all day long. When I'm hungry, I just snack on them to fill up. They have very few calories. So eating a small sandwich and some tomatoes may constitute my lunch instead of filling up on potato chips and other fattening foods.
Eating healthy is tough in our house because my family is particular about what they eat, especially my son. He wants to eat healthy and eat vegetarian, but he only likes about 5 meals. That's puts a damper on dieting. [and they all involve hamburger!] My husband feels like he NEEDS meat. All in all, it can be very difficult to cover everyone's needs and wants.
But there is no other option than for me to lose weight, get in shape and get a handle on all the health issues I'm now facing.
I may have hit 50 being old and haggard, but I am determined that when 51 rolls around I'll be in better shape. I simply can't let fibromyalgia, arthritis and all the other obstacles overwhelm me. I KNOW I can do this. I know I WILL do this!
I've decided to start making changes that will, hopefully, buy back some time for myself. I know I won't be any younger, but at least I want to physically feel younger than I have the past couple of years. This means a diet and exercise regime. For the most part, I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent woman. I KNOW that means eating w/restraint, passing up the brownies [which are my weakness] and getting myself moving.
Therein lies the biggest problem for me. Since I ache ALL over, how can I get moving more? I have a home gym that really gets very little use. Ok.. it gets NO use. Except for the one time I did use it to pull myself up off the floor when I fell down the stairs. But I doubt that really counts.
I've decided the best way to start out is SLOW. These days I'm all about slow! I'm going to start out w/10-15 minutes a day, a couple of times a day. Then begin to build up as I improve my stamina. {and my Ben Gay stock}
I go to see my knee doctor tomorrow. I'm hopeful that he can do something to ease the pain in my knees. The cortisone shot he gave me on the last visit was phenomenal for about three days. Then it disappeared. I'm not exactly sure how all that works, but maybe another shot will last longer this time.
If I could get out and walk that would be the greatest help of all. But my knees are so sore that if I tried to walk around the block Allen would probably have to follow me in the car to pick me up.
Next is watching what I eat so I can lose weight. As I said, I'm intelligent enough to know that all the extra weight I carry is not helping at all. But what my brain knows and what the rest of my body does very seldom meshes.
Once the local homegrown tomatoes start to come in, I'll do alright. Unfortunately they don't stay in season long enough for me to lose all the weight I need to lose. I LOVE homegrown tomatoes. I can eat them all day long. When I'm hungry, I just snack on them to fill up. They have very few calories. So eating a small sandwich and some tomatoes may constitute my lunch instead of filling up on potato chips and other fattening foods.
Eating healthy is tough in our house because my family is particular about what they eat, especially my son. He wants to eat healthy and eat vegetarian, but he only likes about 5 meals. That's puts a damper on dieting. [and they all involve hamburger!] My husband feels like he NEEDS meat. All in all, it can be very difficult to cover everyone's needs and wants.
But there is no other option than for me to lose weight, get in shape and get a handle on all the health issues I'm now facing.
I may have hit 50 being old and haggard, but I am determined that when 51 rolls around I'll be in better shape. I simply can't let fibromyalgia, arthritis and all the other obstacles overwhelm me. I KNOW I can do this. I know I WILL do this!
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Great Compromise
I have come to a conclusion! Crazy Cat Ladies should NOT be allowed to have fibromyalgia. Not for our sakes mind you! But my old man cat, Smidgen [one of nine] likes to lay on top of me and sleep at night. Since I've developed fibromyalgia, he hasn't gotten much sleep. I toss and turn, moving from one side to the other to get off of this sore hip or that sore knee.
Initially he just got up and did a log rolling manuever that would make any professional log roller jealous. However, as he's gotten older himself, he's not that into having to readjust every few minutes. He's given up his sleeping spot for a more stable spot.
On the one hand, it's nice not having the weight on old tight bones and muscles {mine, not his, lol}. On the other hand, he was like having a heating pad on whatever area he laid on.
Mickey is also discovering that mom isn't quite as quick about bending over for the belly rubs either. He even resorted to letting Daddy rub his belly the other night!
All kinds of adjustments are having to be made to meet the needs of having fibromyalgia. I'm not so sure I like that idea at all. It's not that I don't value a good compromise now and then, but it seems like there are becoming more and more of them these days. And I'm not getting the good end of the stick as often as the fibro is.
The ambulance service where I work is adding an additional truck shortly. Therefore, we're all putting in our bids for which station and schedule we want to work. I have enough seniority to pretty much pick whatever I want.
One station is much closer to home for me than the others. Initially this was my first choice of stations. It would save me a lot of time and gas money. But ultimately I chose a different, farther station because it had no stairs that I would have to climb every shift. While I've heard talk of new stations being built, I haven't seen any with escalators yet!
The station that I picked is referred to as the "retirement" station because it gets so few runs. With a new truck being added and the county being further divided, there will be even less runs. Until about a year or so ago, I would NEVER have even considered being so far out of the action. {Actually, I'd always worked the busiest station in the county.} But now, I'm grateful for that chance. Yet another example of happy to have the choice, but still feel like I ended up losing in the compromise.
There are some days when I see having fibromyalgia as the same as having a stroke. Having a debilitating stroke has long been my worst fear. The idea of being of sound mind and not being able to use your body was a nightmare to me. I couldn't imagine anything worse than having an active mind and being trapped in a body where you couldn't communicate or act on your impulses.
Yet, I'm beginning to feel just like that with the fibromyalgia. I have always been a spontaneous, impulsive person. That hasn't always been a postive thing. I can cite my first marriage as proof of that, but it was, in all fairness, a very slow weekend! I've always been eager for adventure. I've had a few, so being spontaneous and impulsive wasn't always a negative thing either.
My mind is always on the go, always active. My body used to be able to keep up. I was ready for any adventure, any time. But lately, even though my mind is still raring and reeling, my body is definitely dragging behind if present at all.
The other night I went up to bed late enough that I should have been exhausted and physically I was. But my mind was racing a mile a minute. I've gotten involved in a new project. I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I'm working on the local event for International Suicide Loss Survivor's Day which is November 19th. It requires planning to begin at least by now.
My mind was running through 1001 things.... arranging a facility, getting food donated, making sure I had enough volunteers especially on event day, and more. Ok, now I'll admit that my family is adament that I have ADD anyway because I'm always three topics ahead in the conversation, but it seems in the later part of the evening or when I lay down to sleep, I go into hypergear.
If I could accomplish all that I plan during those fast forward moments, I'd be in the front of the race. The problem is that by morning when the rest of the world is up and open for business, I'm dragging out of bed, more exhausted than when I laid down. I'm lucky if I get my shower before noon, much less set up meetings, make arrangements, and all that I'd listed on my 'to do' list.
I look at my list and I know I HAVE to get these things done. Ok, maybe it's not life or death have to's, but it's driving me crazy not being able to get things accomplished. Usually I manage to get a couple of things done from my list and then it's over for the day. Especially if I'm working that day too. [I work in 24 / 32 hr shifts right now. After the changes on July 1st, it'll be 48hrs on duty, 96hrs off repeating]. It usually takes me the first full day off recuperating from work before I can even consider starting any of my home things too.
Ok, for instance, right now, I'm supposed to be downstairs steam mopping the kitchen, bath and laundry room of Jordan's "apartment". {the basement of our house is a separate apartment}. I promised him I would go over his floors w/my new Shark steam mop. But I've managed to successfully put it off for two days. The thought of physically getting up to do it is overwhelming. It sounds crazy, but it's how I feel.
If I could get things done as easily as Samantha Stevens did on "Bewitched",,, OMG... I'd be able to take over the world. I'd come up with a million things to get done. Then with a simple twitch of my nose, it'd be complete! If only life were that easy. <sigh>
I have to work tomorrow so today I HAVE to: mop the floors, wash my living room curtains Jordan was kind enough to take down for me and change the litter boxes. That much, at least, has to be accomplished today. I'm a strong believer in progress. As long as I see progress being made on something, I'm good. But when a project hits a stalemate... I'm all up outta my head, lol.
Ok.. I'm getting up outta this chair and heading off to make progress!!!
Initially he just got up and did a log rolling manuever that would make any professional log roller jealous. However, as he's gotten older himself, he's not that into having to readjust every few minutes. He's given up his sleeping spot for a more stable spot.
On the one hand, it's nice not having the weight on old tight bones and muscles {mine, not his, lol}. On the other hand, he was like having a heating pad on whatever area he laid on.
Mickey is also discovering that mom isn't quite as quick about bending over for the belly rubs either. He even resorted to letting Daddy rub his belly the other night!
All kinds of adjustments are having to be made to meet the needs of having fibromyalgia. I'm not so sure I like that idea at all. It's not that I don't value a good compromise now and then, but it seems like there are becoming more and more of them these days. And I'm not getting the good end of the stick as often as the fibro is.
The ambulance service where I work is adding an additional truck shortly. Therefore, we're all putting in our bids for which station and schedule we want to work. I have enough seniority to pretty much pick whatever I want.
One station is much closer to home for me than the others. Initially this was my first choice of stations. It would save me a lot of time and gas money. But ultimately I chose a different, farther station because it had no stairs that I would have to climb every shift. While I've heard talk of new stations being built, I haven't seen any with escalators yet!
The station that I picked is referred to as the "retirement" station because it gets so few runs. With a new truck being added and the county being further divided, there will be even less runs. Until about a year or so ago, I would NEVER have even considered being so far out of the action. {Actually, I'd always worked the busiest station in the county.} But now, I'm grateful for that chance. Yet another example of happy to have the choice, but still feel like I ended up losing in the compromise.
There are some days when I see having fibromyalgia as the same as having a stroke. Having a debilitating stroke has long been my worst fear. The idea of being of sound mind and not being able to use your body was a nightmare to me. I couldn't imagine anything worse than having an active mind and being trapped in a body where you couldn't communicate or act on your impulses.
Yet, I'm beginning to feel just like that with the fibromyalgia. I have always been a spontaneous, impulsive person. That hasn't always been a postive thing. I can cite my first marriage as proof of that, but it was, in all fairness, a very slow weekend! I've always been eager for adventure. I've had a few, so being spontaneous and impulsive wasn't always a negative thing either.
My mind is always on the go, always active. My body used to be able to keep up. I was ready for any adventure, any time. But lately, even though my mind is still raring and reeling, my body is definitely dragging behind if present at all.
The other night I went up to bed late enough that I should have been exhausted and physically I was. But my mind was racing a mile a minute. I've gotten involved in a new project. I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I'm working on the local event for International Suicide Loss Survivor's Day which is November 19th. It requires planning to begin at least by now.
My mind was running through 1001 things.... arranging a facility, getting food donated, making sure I had enough volunteers especially on event day, and more. Ok, now I'll admit that my family is adament that I have ADD anyway because I'm always three topics ahead in the conversation, but it seems in the later part of the evening or when I lay down to sleep, I go into hypergear.
If I could accomplish all that I plan during those fast forward moments, I'd be in the front of the race. The problem is that by morning when the rest of the world is up and open for business, I'm dragging out of bed, more exhausted than when I laid down. I'm lucky if I get my shower before noon, much less set up meetings, make arrangements, and all that I'd listed on my 'to do' list.
I look at my list and I know I HAVE to get these things done. Ok, maybe it's not life or death have to's, but it's driving me crazy not being able to get things accomplished. Usually I manage to get a couple of things done from my list and then it's over for the day. Especially if I'm working that day too. [I work in 24 / 32 hr shifts right now. After the changes on July 1st, it'll be 48hrs on duty, 96hrs off repeating]. It usually takes me the first full day off recuperating from work before I can even consider starting any of my home things too.
Ok, for instance, right now, I'm supposed to be downstairs steam mopping the kitchen, bath and laundry room of Jordan's "apartment". {the basement of our house is a separate apartment}. I promised him I would go over his floors w/my new Shark steam mop. But I've managed to successfully put it off for two days. The thought of physically getting up to do it is overwhelming. It sounds crazy, but it's how I feel.
If I could get things done as easily as Samantha Stevens did on "Bewitched",,, OMG... I'd be able to take over the world. I'd come up with a million things to get done. Then with a simple twitch of my nose, it'd be complete! If only life were that easy. <sigh>
I have to work tomorrow so today I HAVE to: mop the floors, wash my living room curtains Jordan was kind enough to take down for me and change the litter boxes. That much, at least, has to be accomplished today. I'm a strong believer in progress. As long as I see progress being made on something, I'm good. But when a project hits a stalemate... I'm all up outta my head, lol.
Ok.. I'm getting up outta this chair and heading off to make progress!!!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Traveling along....
I have always been the type to have very bizarre dreams. This has been especially true recently. I had a dream the other night that involved police cars blocking roads, giving chase to other cars, running radar, etc. Trust me when I say this isn't the strangest dream I've had lately.
However, since there was such an abundance of police cars in this dream I felt compelled to look up the significance on a dream interpretive site. [That, and I could actually remember it by the time I got down to the computer, lol]
Here is what I learned: Police car - To see a police car in your dream, indicates that help is on the way for you. You are experiencing some inner turmoil and need intervention. I figure that's a good thing! Goodness knows I could use some help, lol. But I took it as a sign that good things were coming. Hopefully not in a police car, but coming none the less.
I made a New Year's resolution that this year, our family would spend more time doing enjoyable things; that we'd slow down and spend time making more memories than we had in past years. Our son, Jordan, returned from the University of Kentucky after graduating a couple of years ago so our family is finally under one roof again. It works out well for everyone because the lower level is a separate apartment w/kitchen, bedrooms, bath, etc so he has his privacy and we enjoy having him back in town.
Until a couple of years or so, he and I took a big vacation each fall for several years. I'm talking EPIC trips. When Jordan plans a trip, New York is a "little side trip" from Washington DC. He adds several of those 'little spurs' when planning. One trip consisted of Chicago, Detroit, Toronto, [my only time out of the country], Cooperstown NY, Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Richmond VA, the Outer Banks, Raleigh NC, Charleston WV and back to Lexington where he was living at the time. Mind you this was a single trip. It was less than two weeks total. He is definitely a marathon vacationer! lol. But we loved it. It's true that I was beginning to slow down on that trip, but I made it the whole way. An occasional moment to rest before walking on and I was on my way again.
Unfortunately I could never make that trip now. We all went to Memphis in April. Even for a short three day trip I couldn't keep up. We enjoyed the trip, but I felt like I held them back [though they never indicated that I did or made me feel that way]. Jordan and I had been there before, but it was Allen's first time there. I made it to the Tram and Mud Island, but I had to sit at the observation area while they toured the museum and did the sightseeing there. Then I rode over to the Civil Rights Museum but sat in the car reading while they went through it. I've seen all that before, but I would have liked to have been able to share it w/Allen. I have spent my entire adult life trying to get him to travel w/me. Now that he finally is willing to do that, I can't keep up. I did make it to the Grizzlies game. The tickets were my family christmas present this past Christmas. Since I was able to sit for that and they dropped me at the door, I was able to be involved in that. My one big regret is that Allen didn't get to go to Beale St. That's a major part of Memphis and he would have enjoyed it. But they wouldn't leave me sitting along the way on the street somewhere while they went up and down it and I couldn't make it up and down the whole street.
I admit I was having an especially bad time on that weekend. I was in the process of changing some medicines, and getting ready for the back injections so some of my regular medicine I couldn't take. But even at that, I still couldn't make a big trip anymore. Between the fibromyalgia and the arthritis in my knees, merely walking is sometimes an extreme sport for me.
That is one of my main concerns right now. I want to be able to walk well again. I go back to see the orthopedic doctor who takes care of my knees in a week or so. I'm hopeful that he'll have something else up his sleeve. I had a cortisone shot in my right knee back in Feb or March. It was AWESOME for about three days. Then it went right back to how it was before the shot. In fact for a few days it was worse, only because I had a brief reminder of how it felt to be pain free and able to move again. I know I'm not a candidate for the knee replacement surgeries [both knees] until I lose a LOT of weight.
The only other option I think he has is a medicine that comes from rooster's combs. I can't take that. I can't justify a rooster dying for that! Who even comes up w/these absurd things? Exactly who was sitting around one day and said, "Bob... kill me a rooster and bring me the comb. Let me see just what I can make outta that!" ? Things like that totally befuddle me.
At any rate, I'm not sure what options I have, if any. Someone told me that the back injections may not work at all the first time, but then be tremendous help the following time. Maybe cortisone is like that. I don't know. I'll have to wait to see what he says. Hopefully he's my police car roaring to a skidding stop in front of me w/a solution for my knees.
I desperately want to get back on my feet literally and be able to travel w/my family. I finally got Allen uprooted from the house, I'm not about to back down now! lol.
However, since there was such an abundance of police cars in this dream I felt compelled to look up the significance on a dream interpretive site. [That, and I could actually remember it by the time I got down to the computer, lol]
Here is what I learned: Police car - To see a police car in your dream, indicates that help is on the way for you. You are experiencing some inner turmoil and need intervention. I figure that's a good thing! Goodness knows I could use some help, lol. But I took it as a sign that good things were coming. Hopefully not in a police car, but coming none the less.
I made a New Year's resolution that this year, our family would spend more time doing enjoyable things; that we'd slow down and spend time making more memories than we had in past years. Our son, Jordan, returned from the University of Kentucky after graduating a couple of years ago so our family is finally under one roof again. It works out well for everyone because the lower level is a separate apartment w/kitchen, bedrooms, bath, etc so he has his privacy and we enjoy having him back in town.
Until a couple of years or so, he and I took a big vacation each fall for several years. I'm talking EPIC trips. When Jordan plans a trip, New York is a "little side trip" from Washington DC. He adds several of those 'little spurs' when planning. One trip consisted of Chicago, Detroit, Toronto, [my only time out of the country], Cooperstown NY, Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Richmond VA, the Outer Banks, Raleigh NC, Charleston WV and back to Lexington where he was living at the time. Mind you this was a single trip. It was less than two weeks total. He is definitely a marathon vacationer! lol. But we loved it. It's true that I was beginning to slow down on that trip, but I made it the whole way. An occasional moment to rest before walking on and I was on my way again.
Unfortunately I could never make that trip now. We all went to Memphis in April. Even for a short three day trip I couldn't keep up. We enjoyed the trip, but I felt like I held them back [though they never indicated that I did or made me feel that way]. Jordan and I had been there before, but it was Allen's first time there. I made it to the Tram and Mud Island, but I had to sit at the observation area while they toured the museum and did the sightseeing there. Then I rode over to the Civil Rights Museum but sat in the car reading while they went through it. I've seen all that before, but I would have liked to have been able to share it w/Allen. I have spent my entire adult life trying to get him to travel w/me. Now that he finally is willing to do that, I can't keep up. I did make it to the Grizzlies game. The tickets were my family christmas present this past Christmas. Since I was able to sit for that and they dropped me at the door, I was able to be involved in that. My one big regret is that Allen didn't get to go to Beale St. That's a major part of Memphis and he would have enjoyed it. But they wouldn't leave me sitting along the way on the street somewhere while they went up and down it and I couldn't make it up and down the whole street.
I admit I was having an especially bad time on that weekend. I was in the process of changing some medicines, and getting ready for the back injections so some of my regular medicine I couldn't take. But even at that, I still couldn't make a big trip anymore. Between the fibromyalgia and the arthritis in my knees, merely walking is sometimes an extreme sport for me.
That is one of my main concerns right now. I want to be able to walk well again. I go back to see the orthopedic doctor who takes care of my knees in a week or so. I'm hopeful that he'll have something else up his sleeve. I had a cortisone shot in my right knee back in Feb or March. It was AWESOME for about three days. Then it went right back to how it was before the shot. In fact for a few days it was worse, only because I had a brief reminder of how it felt to be pain free and able to move again. I know I'm not a candidate for the knee replacement surgeries [both knees] until I lose a LOT of weight.
The only other option I think he has is a medicine that comes from rooster's combs. I can't take that. I can't justify a rooster dying for that! Who even comes up w/these absurd things? Exactly who was sitting around one day and said, "Bob... kill me a rooster and bring me the comb. Let me see just what I can make outta that!" ? Things like that totally befuddle me.
At any rate, I'm not sure what options I have, if any. Someone told me that the back injections may not work at all the first time, but then be tremendous help the following time. Maybe cortisone is like that. I don't know. I'll have to wait to see what he says. Hopefully he's my police car roaring to a skidding stop in front of me w/a solution for my knees.
I desperately want to get back on my feet literally and be able to travel w/my family. I finally got Allen uprooted from the house, I'm not about to back down now! lol.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I have what!??!??
Although, being an Advanced EMT on an ambulance, I was familiar with the term "fibromyalgia", before I was diagnosed with it, I knew little about the syndrome. I have to admit, though I do so reluctantly, I was among those who believed it was just a 'catch all' diagnosis and mostly likely, didn't even really exist. I have certainly learned differently. Unfortunately, I have had to learn this the hard way.
Initially when a few a people told me I should be checked for fibromyalgia I laughed it off. How could I possibly have a disease that didn't even exist for crying out loud??? Even when I mentioned it to my doctor it was half in jest. But his answer wasn't in jest, he meant it when he said yes, that was what I had. I was too surprised to ask anything really about it. I didn't know there were any doctors who took the diagnosis seriously either. I just said "OK" and tried to wrap my head around all that.
On the one hand, I was elated to have a diagnosis. I had been experiencing pain and exhaustion for so long that I had given up trying to even explain it to anyone anymore. But there was an 'official' name for it now. Even though that did nothing to relieve my symptoms or my fears, it was a start. It was like a burden had been lifted. Ok, now I knew what it was. All I had to do now was fix it and I could have my life back.
Then the other shoe dropped.... there was no fixing this syndrome. The symptoms could be dealt with, but there was no cure. That wasn't an acceptable answer for me. How could I not be able to fix this? Before all this exhaustion and pain began to take it's toll, I had a life. I wanted it back!
I used to be the kind of person who was ready to go at the drop of a hat. It didn't matter in the least where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there, I just wanted to be a part of it. Life was just one big adventure for me.
For my 40th birthday, I bought myself a flying lesson. I waited two days to go up because it was also my son's 16th birthday and if I screwed up on this lesson, I didn't want to ruin this milestone birthday for him. I was a volunteer firefighter. I was a certified scuba diver. Probably the only one who is terrified of water, but I did it! I did autopsies [legally, I mean, it was my job, lol]... which required a lot of time on my feet. But I was good with that. Yeah, I was overweight. I've been overweight most of my adult life. But nothing slowed me down. The only thing holding me back from doing everything in the world was money. Otherwise, my policy was: "I want to see everything, do everything, and experience everything life has to offer!"
But more and more I was becoming a homebody. I was too tired to even consider getting dressed to go out, much less actually go out. And I hurt all over all the time. To be honest, I think the exhaustion was more overwhelming than the pain. At least I know it was in the beginning. I wasn't used to being this way. I was too tired to do anything. Some days it seemed like just getting out of bed was a monumental chore. God forbid having to take a shower, get dressed and go somewhere!
My doctor had given me some options to try, for example, some time released muscle relaxers that weren't too "knock you down" strong. But then before I could get back into see him he gave up private practice. Another doctor took over his practice. Apparently this doctor is one of the 'non-believers' because he won't even discuss fibromyalgia w/me. Therefore, I have had to go to the all powerful internet to learn more about this syndrome.
When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know much about it and therefore, didn't know what to do about it. I had so many things going on that I was confused. I didn't have a clue as to where to start. Fortunately I learned that many of the things I was dealing with were all part of one syndrome. As much as it seemed like it, I wasn't self destructing all at once. That was a relief to know. At least the majority of my issues fell under one umbrella.
But I still didn't know how to fix things. I kept right on going at the same pace I did every day. For those of you living with this syndrome, you know that you just can't do that. It doesn't work no matter how much you want it too. I can't even tell you when I was first diagnosed since it really made no different in my life.
About four years ago, I hurt my knee. That seems to have been a turning point for me. From that point on, I feel like I've gone downhill. I have put on additional weight because I can't walk like I used to, I have pretty much become a recluse except to go to work because that takes every bit of energy I have. There's nothing left for anything else. I know friends and family probably don't understand. I doubt I would have before living like this. To add insult to injury, I was recently diagnosed w/severe arthritis in both knees and need a total replacement of both knees. I also have severe arthritis of my back. These things have worked to slow me down as well.
I have been reading a lot about fibromyalgia lately. I'm trying to learn what exactly it is that I'm dealing with and what I can do to get back as much of my old life as possible. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I will have good days and bad days. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how I was able to do something one day and the very thought of doing it the next day could make me cry. I'm learning that I have to pace myself. My problem w/pacing myself is to prioritize what is important to get done first in case the energy runs out before the chores do [and it always does, my 'to do' list looks like the National Deficit, lol]. The past few days I've not gotten much done at home, but I've spent some quality time w/my family while they were home w/me. Later this week, while they are at work, I'll focus more on what needs to be done around the house. I'm picking up new ways, but I'm still learning.
The fibrofog is another thing that has really upset me. Learning about it was another of the mixed blessings so often handed out w/this syndrome. While I wish it could be done away with, at least I was happy to learn I was not dealing with early onset of Ahlzeimer's like I thought I was. I was terrified that I was losing my mind, literally. If it had been something I could hold in my hand I would have truly laid it down somewhere and lost it by now.
One night we were out running errands. Three times I told Allen and Jordan... "We HAVE to stop for gas!!" It was actually the very first thing we had done. But I had totally forgotten we'd done it. It was just gone from my memory. It was a scary thought. But again, having a name to put to it other than Ahlzeimer's disease was a relief. I was way too young for that. At least I think I am.
At any rate, this blog is about my journey of learning to live with Fibromyalgia and a few other things. I hope it's going to be the story of how I got my life back. That's my intention. I have found a local support group. We go for the first time on Thursday night. I'm looking forward to meeting others who are also familiar w/this whole package deal. Not that I want others to have to be dealing with it too.. but as they say... misery loves company, lol. I hope to learn a lot more from them. I have started seeing one orthopedic doctor for my knees, and another for my back. I hope to learn of a good local doctor who believes in this and will work with me so I can change family doctors too. Then I plan to see a rheumatologist and a nutritionist as well. A lot of little baby steps to add together, hopefully forming one big answer to my dilema!
I suppose the only thing to do now is to see where the journey leads! Oh and I was supposed to point out that my son has since lost weight and fits into his own pants again... lol. Without my family I already know this journey would be too difficult to make. I love them so much! Thanks for hanging in there w/me guys!! Love you!
Initially when a few a people told me I should be checked for fibromyalgia I laughed it off. How could I possibly have a disease that didn't even exist for crying out loud??? Even when I mentioned it to my doctor it was half in jest. But his answer wasn't in jest, he meant it when he said yes, that was what I had. I was too surprised to ask anything really about it. I didn't know there were any doctors who took the diagnosis seriously either. I just said "OK" and tried to wrap my head around all that.
On the one hand, I was elated to have a diagnosis. I had been experiencing pain and exhaustion for so long that I had given up trying to even explain it to anyone anymore. But there was an 'official' name for it now. Even though that did nothing to relieve my symptoms or my fears, it was a start. It was like a burden had been lifted. Ok, now I knew what it was. All I had to do now was fix it and I could have my life back.
Then the other shoe dropped.... there was no fixing this syndrome. The symptoms could be dealt with, but there was no cure. That wasn't an acceptable answer for me. How could I not be able to fix this? Before all this exhaustion and pain began to take it's toll, I had a life. I wanted it back!
I used to be the kind of person who was ready to go at the drop of a hat. It didn't matter in the least where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there, I just wanted to be a part of it. Life was just one big adventure for me.
For my 40th birthday, I bought myself a flying lesson. I waited two days to go up because it was also my son's 16th birthday and if I screwed up on this lesson, I didn't want to ruin this milestone birthday for him. I was a volunteer firefighter. I was a certified scuba diver. Probably the only one who is terrified of water, but I did it! I did autopsies [legally, I mean, it was my job, lol]... which required a lot of time on my feet. But I was good with that. Yeah, I was overweight. I've been overweight most of my adult life. But nothing slowed me down. The only thing holding me back from doing everything in the world was money. Otherwise, my policy was: "I want to see everything, do everything, and experience everything life has to offer!"
But more and more I was becoming a homebody. I was too tired to even consider getting dressed to go out, much less actually go out. And I hurt all over all the time. To be honest, I think the exhaustion was more overwhelming than the pain. At least I know it was in the beginning. I wasn't used to being this way. I was too tired to do anything. Some days it seemed like just getting out of bed was a monumental chore. God forbid having to take a shower, get dressed and go somewhere!
My doctor had given me some options to try, for example, some time released muscle relaxers that weren't too "knock you down" strong. But then before I could get back into see him he gave up private practice. Another doctor took over his practice. Apparently this doctor is one of the 'non-believers' because he won't even discuss fibromyalgia w/me. Therefore, I have had to go to the all powerful internet to learn more about this syndrome.
When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know much about it and therefore, didn't know what to do about it. I had so many things going on that I was confused. I didn't have a clue as to where to start. Fortunately I learned that many of the things I was dealing with were all part of one syndrome. As much as it seemed like it, I wasn't self destructing all at once. That was a relief to know. At least the majority of my issues fell under one umbrella.
But I still didn't know how to fix things. I kept right on going at the same pace I did every day. For those of you living with this syndrome, you know that you just can't do that. It doesn't work no matter how much you want it too. I can't even tell you when I was first diagnosed since it really made no different in my life.
About four years ago, I hurt my knee. That seems to have been a turning point for me. From that point on, I feel like I've gone downhill. I have put on additional weight because I can't walk like I used to, I have pretty much become a recluse except to go to work because that takes every bit of energy I have. There's nothing left for anything else. I know friends and family probably don't understand. I doubt I would have before living like this. To add insult to injury, I was recently diagnosed w/severe arthritis in both knees and need a total replacement of both knees. I also have severe arthritis of my back. These things have worked to slow me down as well.
I have been reading a lot about fibromyalgia lately. I'm trying to learn what exactly it is that I'm dealing with and what I can do to get back as much of my old life as possible. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I will have good days and bad days. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how I was able to do something one day and the very thought of doing it the next day could make me cry. I'm learning that I have to pace myself. My problem w/pacing myself is to prioritize what is important to get done first in case the energy runs out before the chores do [and it always does, my 'to do' list looks like the National Deficit, lol]. The past few days I've not gotten much done at home, but I've spent some quality time w/my family while they were home w/me. Later this week, while they are at work, I'll focus more on what needs to be done around the house. I'm picking up new ways, but I'm still learning.
The fibrofog is another thing that has really upset me. Learning about it was another of the mixed blessings so often handed out w/this syndrome. While I wish it could be done away with, at least I was happy to learn I was not dealing with early onset of Ahlzeimer's like I thought I was. I was terrified that I was losing my mind, literally. If it had been something I could hold in my hand I would have truly laid it down somewhere and lost it by now.
One night we were out running errands. Three times I told Allen and Jordan... "We HAVE to stop for gas!!" It was actually the very first thing we had done. But I had totally forgotten we'd done it. It was just gone from my memory. It was a scary thought. But again, having a name to put to it other than Ahlzeimer's disease was a relief. I was way too young for that. At least I think I am.
At any rate, this blog is about my journey of learning to live with Fibromyalgia and a few other things. I hope it's going to be the story of how I got my life back. That's my intention. I have found a local support group. We go for the first time on Thursday night. I'm looking forward to meeting others who are also familiar w/this whole package deal. Not that I want others to have to be dealing with it too.. but as they say... misery loves company, lol. I hope to learn a lot more from them. I have started seeing one orthopedic doctor for my knees, and another for my back. I hope to learn of a good local doctor who believes in this and will work with me so I can change family doctors too. Then I plan to see a rheumatologist and a nutritionist as well. A lot of little baby steps to add together, hopefully forming one big answer to my dilema!
I suppose the only thing to do now is to see where the journey leads! Oh and I was supposed to point out that my son has since lost weight and fits into his own pants again... lol. Without my family I already know this journey would be too difficult to make. I love them so much! Thanks for hanging in there w/me guys!! Love you!
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