I have always been the type to have very bizarre dreams. This has been especially true recently. I had a dream the other night that involved police cars blocking roads, giving chase to other cars, running radar, etc. Trust me when I say this isn't the strangest dream I've had lately.
However, since there was such an abundance of police cars in this dream I felt compelled to look up the significance on a dream interpretive site. [That, and I could actually remember it by the time I got down to the computer, lol]
Here is what I learned: Police car - To see a police car in your dream, indicates that help is on the way for you. You are experiencing some inner turmoil and need intervention. I figure that's a good thing! Goodness knows I could use some help, lol. But I took it as a sign that good things were coming. Hopefully not in a police car, but coming none the less.
I made a New Year's resolution that this year, our family would spend more time doing enjoyable things; that we'd slow down and spend time making more memories than we had in past years. Our son, Jordan, returned from the University of Kentucky after graduating a couple of years ago so our family is finally under one roof again. It works out well for everyone because the lower level is a separate apartment w/kitchen, bedrooms, bath, etc so he has his privacy and we enjoy having him back in town.
Until a couple of years or so, he and I took a big vacation each fall for several years. I'm talking EPIC trips. When Jordan plans a trip, New York is a "little side trip" from Washington DC. He adds several of those 'little spurs' when planning. One trip consisted of Chicago, Detroit, Toronto, [my only time out of the country], Cooperstown NY, Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Richmond VA, the Outer Banks, Raleigh NC, Charleston WV and back to Lexington where he was living at the time. Mind you this was a single trip. It was less than two weeks total. He is definitely a marathon vacationer! lol. But we loved it. It's true that I was beginning to slow down on that trip, but I made it the whole way. An occasional moment to rest before walking on and I was on my way again.
Unfortunately I could never make that trip now. We all went to Memphis in April. Even for a short three day trip I couldn't keep up. We enjoyed the trip, but I felt like I held them back [though they never indicated that I did or made me feel that way]. Jordan and I had been there before, but it was Allen's first time there. I made it to the Tram and Mud Island, but I had to sit at the observation area while they toured the museum and did the sightseeing there. Then I rode over to the Civil Rights Museum but sat in the car reading while they went through it. I've seen all that before, but I would have liked to have been able to share it w/Allen. I have spent my entire adult life trying to get him to travel w/me. Now that he finally is willing to do that, I can't keep up. I did make it to the Grizzlies game. The tickets were my family christmas present this past Christmas. Since I was able to sit for that and they dropped me at the door, I was able to be involved in that. My one big regret is that Allen didn't get to go to Beale St. That's a major part of Memphis and he would have enjoyed it. But they wouldn't leave me sitting along the way on the street somewhere while they went up and down it and I couldn't make it up and down the whole street.
I admit I was having an especially bad time on that weekend. I was in the process of changing some medicines, and getting ready for the back injections so some of my regular medicine I couldn't take. But even at that, I still couldn't make a big trip anymore. Between the fibromyalgia and the arthritis in my knees, merely walking is sometimes an extreme sport for me.
That is one of my main concerns right now. I want to be able to walk well again. I go back to see the orthopedic doctor who takes care of my knees in a week or so. I'm hopeful that he'll have something else up his sleeve. I had a cortisone shot in my right knee back in Feb or March. It was AWESOME for about three days. Then it went right back to how it was before the shot. In fact for a few days it was worse, only because I had a brief reminder of how it felt to be pain free and able to move again. I know I'm not a candidate for the knee replacement surgeries [both knees] until I lose a LOT of weight.
The only other option I think he has is a medicine that comes from rooster's combs. I can't take that. I can't justify a rooster dying for that! Who even comes up w/these absurd things? Exactly who was sitting around one day and said, "Bob... kill me a rooster and bring me the comb. Let me see just what I can make outta that!" ? Things like that totally befuddle me.
At any rate, I'm not sure what options I have, if any. Someone told me that the back injections may not work at all the first time, but then be tremendous help the following time. Maybe cortisone is like that. I don't know. I'll have to wait to see what he says. Hopefully he's my police car roaring to a skidding stop in front of me w/a solution for my knees.
I desperately want to get back on my feet literally and be able to travel w/my family. I finally got Allen uprooted from the house, I'm not about to back down now! lol.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I have what!??!??
Although, being an Advanced EMT on an ambulance, I was familiar with the term "fibromyalgia", before I was diagnosed with it, I knew little about the syndrome. I have to admit, though I do so reluctantly, I was among those who believed it was just a 'catch all' diagnosis and mostly likely, didn't even really exist. I have certainly learned differently. Unfortunately, I have had to learn this the hard way.
Initially when a few a people told me I should be checked for fibromyalgia I laughed it off. How could I possibly have a disease that didn't even exist for crying out loud??? Even when I mentioned it to my doctor it was half in jest. But his answer wasn't in jest, he meant it when he said yes, that was what I had. I was too surprised to ask anything really about it. I didn't know there were any doctors who took the diagnosis seriously either. I just said "OK" and tried to wrap my head around all that.
On the one hand, I was elated to have a diagnosis. I had been experiencing pain and exhaustion for so long that I had given up trying to even explain it to anyone anymore. But there was an 'official' name for it now. Even though that did nothing to relieve my symptoms or my fears, it was a start. It was like a burden had been lifted. Ok, now I knew what it was. All I had to do now was fix it and I could have my life back.
Then the other shoe dropped.... there was no fixing this syndrome. The symptoms could be dealt with, but there was no cure. That wasn't an acceptable answer for me. How could I not be able to fix this? Before all this exhaustion and pain began to take it's toll, I had a life. I wanted it back!
I used to be the kind of person who was ready to go at the drop of a hat. It didn't matter in the least where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there, I just wanted to be a part of it. Life was just one big adventure for me.
For my 40th birthday, I bought myself a flying lesson. I waited two days to go up because it was also my son's 16th birthday and if I screwed up on this lesson, I didn't want to ruin this milestone birthday for him. I was a volunteer firefighter. I was a certified scuba diver. Probably the only one who is terrified of water, but I did it! I did autopsies [legally, I mean, it was my job, lol]... which required a lot of time on my feet. But I was good with that. Yeah, I was overweight. I've been overweight most of my adult life. But nothing slowed me down. The only thing holding me back from doing everything in the world was money. Otherwise, my policy was: "I want to see everything, do everything, and experience everything life has to offer!"
But more and more I was becoming a homebody. I was too tired to even consider getting dressed to go out, much less actually go out. And I hurt all over all the time. To be honest, I think the exhaustion was more overwhelming than the pain. At least I know it was in the beginning. I wasn't used to being this way. I was too tired to do anything. Some days it seemed like just getting out of bed was a monumental chore. God forbid having to take a shower, get dressed and go somewhere!
My doctor had given me some options to try, for example, some time released muscle relaxers that weren't too "knock you down" strong. But then before I could get back into see him he gave up private practice. Another doctor took over his practice. Apparently this doctor is one of the 'non-believers' because he won't even discuss fibromyalgia w/me. Therefore, I have had to go to the all powerful internet to learn more about this syndrome.
When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know much about it and therefore, didn't know what to do about it. I had so many things going on that I was confused. I didn't have a clue as to where to start. Fortunately I learned that many of the things I was dealing with were all part of one syndrome. As much as it seemed like it, I wasn't self destructing all at once. That was a relief to know. At least the majority of my issues fell under one umbrella.
But I still didn't know how to fix things. I kept right on going at the same pace I did every day. For those of you living with this syndrome, you know that you just can't do that. It doesn't work no matter how much you want it too. I can't even tell you when I was first diagnosed since it really made no different in my life.
About four years ago, I hurt my knee. That seems to have been a turning point for me. From that point on, I feel like I've gone downhill. I have put on additional weight because I can't walk like I used to, I have pretty much become a recluse except to go to work because that takes every bit of energy I have. There's nothing left for anything else. I know friends and family probably don't understand. I doubt I would have before living like this. To add insult to injury, I was recently diagnosed w/severe arthritis in both knees and need a total replacement of both knees. I also have severe arthritis of my back. These things have worked to slow me down as well.
I have been reading a lot about fibromyalgia lately. I'm trying to learn what exactly it is that I'm dealing with and what I can do to get back as much of my old life as possible. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I will have good days and bad days. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how I was able to do something one day and the very thought of doing it the next day could make me cry. I'm learning that I have to pace myself. My problem w/pacing myself is to prioritize what is important to get done first in case the energy runs out before the chores do [and it always does, my 'to do' list looks like the National Deficit, lol]. The past few days I've not gotten much done at home, but I've spent some quality time w/my family while they were home w/me. Later this week, while they are at work, I'll focus more on what needs to be done around the house. I'm picking up new ways, but I'm still learning.
The fibrofog is another thing that has really upset me. Learning about it was another of the mixed blessings so often handed out w/this syndrome. While I wish it could be done away with, at least I was happy to learn I was not dealing with early onset of Ahlzeimer's like I thought I was. I was terrified that I was losing my mind, literally. If it had been something I could hold in my hand I would have truly laid it down somewhere and lost it by now.
One night we were out running errands. Three times I told Allen and Jordan... "We HAVE to stop for gas!!" It was actually the very first thing we had done. But I had totally forgotten we'd done it. It was just gone from my memory. It was a scary thought. But again, having a name to put to it other than Ahlzeimer's disease was a relief. I was way too young for that. At least I think I am.
At any rate, this blog is about my journey of learning to live with Fibromyalgia and a few other things. I hope it's going to be the story of how I got my life back. That's my intention. I have found a local support group. We go for the first time on Thursday night. I'm looking forward to meeting others who are also familiar w/this whole package deal. Not that I want others to have to be dealing with it too.. but as they say... misery loves company, lol. I hope to learn a lot more from them. I have started seeing one orthopedic doctor for my knees, and another for my back. I hope to learn of a good local doctor who believes in this and will work with me so I can change family doctors too. Then I plan to see a rheumatologist and a nutritionist as well. A lot of little baby steps to add together, hopefully forming one big answer to my dilema!
I suppose the only thing to do now is to see where the journey leads! Oh and I was supposed to point out that my son has since lost weight and fits into his own pants again... lol. Without my family I already know this journey would be too difficult to make. I love them so much! Thanks for hanging in there w/me guys!! Love you!
Initially when a few a people told me I should be checked for fibromyalgia I laughed it off. How could I possibly have a disease that didn't even exist for crying out loud??? Even when I mentioned it to my doctor it was half in jest. But his answer wasn't in jest, he meant it when he said yes, that was what I had. I was too surprised to ask anything really about it. I didn't know there were any doctors who took the diagnosis seriously either. I just said "OK" and tried to wrap my head around all that.
On the one hand, I was elated to have a diagnosis. I had been experiencing pain and exhaustion for so long that I had given up trying to even explain it to anyone anymore. But there was an 'official' name for it now. Even though that did nothing to relieve my symptoms or my fears, it was a start. It was like a burden had been lifted. Ok, now I knew what it was. All I had to do now was fix it and I could have my life back.
Then the other shoe dropped.... there was no fixing this syndrome. The symptoms could be dealt with, but there was no cure. That wasn't an acceptable answer for me. How could I not be able to fix this? Before all this exhaustion and pain began to take it's toll, I had a life. I wanted it back!
I used to be the kind of person who was ready to go at the drop of a hat. It didn't matter in the least where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there, I just wanted to be a part of it. Life was just one big adventure for me.
For my 40th birthday, I bought myself a flying lesson. I waited two days to go up because it was also my son's 16th birthday and if I screwed up on this lesson, I didn't want to ruin this milestone birthday for him. I was a volunteer firefighter. I was a certified scuba diver. Probably the only one who is terrified of water, but I did it! I did autopsies [legally, I mean, it was my job, lol]... which required a lot of time on my feet. But I was good with that. Yeah, I was overweight. I've been overweight most of my adult life. But nothing slowed me down. The only thing holding me back from doing everything in the world was money. Otherwise, my policy was: "I want to see everything, do everything, and experience everything life has to offer!"
But more and more I was becoming a homebody. I was too tired to even consider getting dressed to go out, much less actually go out. And I hurt all over all the time. To be honest, I think the exhaustion was more overwhelming than the pain. At least I know it was in the beginning. I wasn't used to being this way. I was too tired to do anything. Some days it seemed like just getting out of bed was a monumental chore. God forbid having to take a shower, get dressed and go somewhere!
My doctor had given me some options to try, for example, some time released muscle relaxers that weren't too "knock you down" strong. But then before I could get back into see him he gave up private practice. Another doctor took over his practice. Apparently this doctor is one of the 'non-believers' because he won't even discuss fibromyalgia w/me. Therefore, I have had to go to the all powerful internet to learn more about this syndrome.
When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know much about it and therefore, didn't know what to do about it. I had so many things going on that I was confused. I didn't have a clue as to where to start. Fortunately I learned that many of the things I was dealing with were all part of one syndrome. As much as it seemed like it, I wasn't self destructing all at once. That was a relief to know. At least the majority of my issues fell under one umbrella.
But I still didn't know how to fix things. I kept right on going at the same pace I did every day. For those of you living with this syndrome, you know that you just can't do that. It doesn't work no matter how much you want it too. I can't even tell you when I was first diagnosed since it really made no different in my life.
About four years ago, I hurt my knee. That seems to have been a turning point for me. From that point on, I feel like I've gone downhill. I have put on additional weight because I can't walk like I used to, I have pretty much become a recluse except to go to work because that takes every bit of energy I have. There's nothing left for anything else. I know friends and family probably don't understand. I doubt I would have before living like this. To add insult to injury, I was recently diagnosed w/severe arthritis in both knees and need a total replacement of both knees. I also have severe arthritis of my back. These things have worked to slow me down as well.
I have been reading a lot about fibromyalgia lately. I'm trying to learn what exactly it is that I'm dealing with and what I can do to get back as much of my old life as possible. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I will have good days and bad days. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how I was able to do something one day and the very thought of doing it the next day could make me cry. I'm learning that I have to pace myself. My problem w/pacing myself is to prioritize what is important to get done first in case the energy runs out before the chores do [and it always does, my 'to do' list looks like the National Deficit, lol]. The past few days I've not gotten much done at home, but I've spent some quality time w/my family while they were home w/me. Later this week, while they are at work, I'll focus more on what needs to be done around the house. I'm picking up new ways, but I'm still learning.
The fibrofog is another thing that has really upset me. Learning about it was another of the mixed blessings so often handed out w/this syndrome. While I wish it could be done away with, at least I was happy to learn I was not dealing with early onset of Ahlzeimer's like I thought I was. I was terrified that I was losing my mind, literally. If it had been something I could hold in my hand I would have truly laid it down somewhere and lost it by now.
One night we were out running errands. Three times I told Allen and Jordan... "We HAVE to stop for gas!!" It was actually the very first thing we had done. But I had totally forgotten we'd done it. It was just gone from my memory. It was a scary thought. But again, having a name to put to it other than Ahlzeimer's disease was a relief. I was way too young for that. At least I think I am.
At any rate, this blog is about my journey of learning to live with Fibromyalgia and a few other things. I hope it's going to be the story of how I got my life back. That's my intention. I have found a local support group. We go for the first time on Thursday night. I'm looking forward to meeting others who are also familiar w/this whole package deal. Not that I want others to have to be dealing with it too.. but as they say... misery loves company, lol. I hope to learn a lot more from them. I have started seeing one orthopedic doctor for my knees, and another for my back. I hope to learn of a good local doctor who believes in this and will work with me so I can change family doctors too. Then I plan to see a rheumatologist and a nutritionist as well. A lot of little baby steps to add together, hopefully forming one big answer to my dilema!
I suppose the only thing to do now is to see where the journey leads! Oh and I was supposed to point out that my son has since lost weight and fits into his own pants again... lol. Without my family I already know this journey would be too difficult to make. I love them so much! Thanks for hanging in there w/me guys!! Love you!
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