I turned 50 years old yesterday. I never, in all of my life, imagined myself at 50 years old. On one hand, I don't feel like I've been around for a half century. But on the other hand, my body seems ancient lately.
I've decided to start making changes that will, hopefully, buy back some time for myself. I know I won't be any younger, but at least I want to physically feel younger than I have the past couple of years. This means a diet and exercise regime. For the most part, I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent woman. I KNOW that means eating w/restraint, passing up the brownies [which are my weakness] and getting myself moving.
Therein lies the biggest problem for me. Since I ache ALL over, how can I get moving more? I have a home gym that really gets very little use. Ok.. it gets NO use. Except for the one time I did use it to pull myself up off the floor when I fell down the stairs. But I doubt that really counts.
I've decided the best way to start out is SLOW. These days I'm all about slow! I'm going to start out w/10-15 minutes a day, a couple of times a day. Then begin to build up as I improve my stamina. {and my Ben Gay stock}
I go to see my knee doctor tomorrow. I'm hopeful that he can do something to ease the pain in my knees. The cortisone shot he gave me on the last visit was phenomenal for about three days. Then it disappeared. I'm not exactly sure how all that works, but maybe another shot will last longer this time.
If I could get out and walk that would be the greatest help of all. But my knees are so sore that if I tried to walk around the block Allen would probably have to follow me in the car to pick me up.
Next is watching what I eat so I can lose weight. As I said, I'm intelligent enough to know that all the extra weight I carry is not helping at all. But what my brain knows and what the rest of my body does very seldom meshes.
Once the local homegrown tomatoes start to come in, I'll do alright. Unfortunately they don't stay in season long enough for me to lose all the weight I need to lose. I LOVE homegrown tomatoes. I can eat them all day long. When I'm hungry, I just snack on them to fill up. They have very few calories. So eating a small sandwich and some tomatoes may constitute my lunch instead of filling up on potato chips and other fattening foods.
Eating healthy is tough in our house because my family is particular about what they eat, especially my son. He wants to eat healthy and eat vegetarian, but he only likes about 5 meals. That's puts a damper on dieting. [and they all involve hamburger!] My husband feels like he NEEDS meat. All in all, it can be very difficult to cover everyone's needs and wants.
But there is no other option than for me to lose weight, get in shape and get a handle on all the health issues I'm now facing.
I may have hit 50 being old and haggard, but I am determined that when 51 rolls around I'll be in better shape. I simply can't let fibromyalgia, arthritis and all the other obstacles overwhelm me. I KNOW I can do this. I know I WILL do this!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Great Compromise
I have come to a conclusion! Crazy Cat Ladies should NOT be allowed to have fibromyalgia. Not for our sakes mind you! But my old man cat, Smidgen [one of nine] likes to lay on top of me and sleep at night. Since I've developed fibromyalgia, he hasn't gotten much sleep. I toss and turn, moving from one side to the other to get off of this sore hip or that sore knee.
Initially he just got up and did a log rolling manuever that would make any professional log roller jealous. However, as he's gotten older himself, he's not that into having to readjust every few minutes. He's given up his sleeping spot for a more stable spot.
On the one hand, it's nice not having the weight on old tight bones and muscles {mine, not his, lol}. On the other hand, he was like having a heating pad on whatever area he laid on.
Mickey is also discovering that mom isn't quite as quick about bending over for the belly rubs either. He even resorted to letting Daddy rub his belly the other night!
All kinds of adjustments are having to be made to meet the needs of having fibromyalgia. I'm not so sure I like that idea at all. It's not that I don't value a good compromise now and then, but it seems like there are becoming more and more of them these days. And I'm not getting the good end of the stick as often as the fibro is.
The ambulance service where I work is adding an additional truck shortly. Therefore, we're all putting in our bids for which station and schedule we want to work. I have enough seniority to pretty much pick whatever I want.
One station is much closer to home for me than the others. Initially this was my first choice of stations. It would save me a lot of time and gas money. But ultimately I chose a different, farther station because it had no stairs that I would have to climb every shift. While I've heard talk of new stations being built, I haven't seen any with escalators yet!
The station that I picked is referred to as the "retirement" station because it gets so few runs. With a new truck being added and the county being further divided, there will be even less runs. Until about a year or so ago, I would NEVER have even considered being so far out of the action. {Actually, I'd always worked the busiest station in the county.} But now, I'm grateful for that chance. Yet another example of happy to have the choice, but still feel like I ended up losing in the compromise.
There are some days when I see having fibromyalgia as the same as having a stroke. Having a debilitating stroke has long been my worst fear. The idea of being of sound mind and not being able to use your body was a nightmare to me. I couldn't imagine anything worse than having an active mind and being trapped in a body where you couldn't communicate or act on your impulses.
Yet, I'm beginning to feel just like that with the fibromyalgia. I have always been a spontaneous, impulsive person. That hasn't always been a postive thing. I can cite my first marriage as proof of that, but it was, in all fairness, a very slow weekend! I've always been eager for adventure. I've had a few, so being spontaneous and impulsive wasn't always a negative thing either.
My mind is always on the go, always active. My body used to be able to keep up. I was ready for any adventure, any time. But lately, even though my mind is still raring and reeling, my body is definitely dragging behind if present at all.
The other night I went up to bed late enough that I should have been exhausted and physically I was. But my mind was racing a mile a minute. I've gotten involved in a new project. I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I'm working on the local event for International Suicide Loss Survivor's Day which is November 19th. It requires planning to begin at least by now.
My mind was running through 1001 things.... arranging a facility, getting food donated, making sure I had enough volunteers especially on event day, and more. Ok, now I'll admit that my family is adament that I have ADD anyway because I'm always three topics ahead in the conversation, but it seems in the later part of the evening or when I lay down to sleep, I go into hypergear.
If I could accomplish all that I plan during those fast forward moments, I'd be in the front of the race. The problem is that by morning when the rest of the world is up and open for business, I'm dragging out of bed, more exhausted than when I laid down. I'm lucky if I get my shower before noon, much less set up meetings, make arrangements, and all that I'd listed on my 'to do' list.
I look at my list and I know I HAVE to get these things done. Ok, maybe it's not life or death have to's, but it's driving me crazy not being able to get things accomplished. Usually I manage to get a couple of things done from my list and then it's over for the day. Especially if I'm working that day too. [I work in 24 / 32 hr shifts right now. After the changes on July 1st, it'll be 48hrs on duty, 96hrs off repeating]. It usually takes me the first full day off recuperating from work before I can even consider starting any of my home things too.
Ok, for instance, right now, I'm supposed to be downstairs steam mopping the kitchen, bath and laundry room of Jordan's "apartment". {the basement of our house is a separate apartment}. I promised him I would go over his floors w/my new Shark steam mop. But I've managed to successfully put it off for two days. The thought of physically getting up to do it is overwhelming. It sounds crazy, but it's how I feel.
If I could get things done as easily as Samantha Stevens did on "Bewitched",,, OMG... I'd be able to take over the world. I'd come up with a million things to get done. Then with a simple twitch of my nose, it'd be complete! If only life were that easy. <sigh>
I have to work tomorrow so today I HAVE to: mop the floors, wash my living room curtains Jordan was kind enough to take down for me and change the litter boxes. That much, at least, has to be accomplished today. I'm a strong believer in progress. As long as I see progress being made on something, I'm good. But when a project hits a stalemate... I'm all up outta my head, lol.
Ok.. I'm getting up outta this chair and heading off to make progress!!!
Initially he just got up and did a log rolling manuever that would make any professional log roller jealous. However, as he's gotten older himself, he's not that into having to readjust every few minutes. He's given up his sleeping spot for a more stable spot.
On the one hand, it's nice not having the weight on old tight bones and muscles {mine, not his, lol}. On the other hand, he was like having a heating pad on whatever area he laid on.
Mickey is also discovering that mom isn't quite as quick about bending over for the belly rubs either. He even resorted to letting Daddy rub his belly the other night!
All kinds of adjustments are having to be made to meet the needs of having fibromyalgia. I'm not so sure I like that idea at all. It's not that I don't value a good compromise now and then, but it seems like there are becoming more and more of them these days. And I'm not getting the good end of the stick as often as the fibro is.
The ambulance service where I work is adding an additional truck shortly. Therefore, we're all putting in our bids for which station and schedule we want to work. I have enough seniority to pretty much pick whatever I want.
One station is much closer to home for me than the others. Initially this was my first choice of stations. It would save me a lot of time and gas money. But ultimately I chose a different, farther station because it had no stairs that I would have to climb every shift. While I've heard talk of new stations being built, I haven't seen any with escalators yet!
The station that I picked is referred to as the "retirement" station because it gets so few runs. With a new truck being added and the county being further divided, there will be even less runs. Until about a year or so ago, I would NEVER have even considered being so far out of the action. {Actually, I'd always worked the busiest station in the county.} But now, I'm grateful for that chance. Yet another example of happy to have the choice, but still feel like I ended up losing in the compromise.
There are some days when I see having fibromyalgia as the same as having a stroke. Having a debilitating stroke has long been my worst fear. The idea of being of sound mind and not being able to use your body was a nightmare to me. I couldn't imagine anything worse than having an active mind and being trapped in a body where you couldn't communicate or act on your impulses.
Yet, I'm beginning to feel just like that with the fibromyalgia. I have always been a spontaneous, impulsive person. That hasn't always been a postive thing. I can cite my first marriage as proof of that, but it was, in all fairness, a very slow weekend! I've always been eager for adventure. I've had a few, so being spontaneous and impulsive wasn't always a negative thing either.
My mind is always on the go, always active. My body used to be able to keep up. I was ready for any adventure, any time. But lately, even though my mind is still raring and reeling, my body is definitely dragging behind if present at all.
The other night I went up to bed late enough that I should have been exhausted and physically I was. But my mind was racing a mile a minute. I've gotten involved in a new project. I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I'm working on the local event for International Suicide Loss Survivor's Day which is November 19th. It requires planning to begin at least by now.
My mind was running through 1001 things.... arranging a facility, getting food donated, making sure I had enough volunteers especially on event day, and more. Ok, now I'll admit that my family is adament that I have ADD anyway because I'm always three topics ahead in the conversation, but it seems in the later part of the evening or when I lay down to sleep, I go into hypergear.
If I could accomplish all that I plan during those fast forward moments, I'd be in the front of the race. The problem is that by morning when the rest of the world is up and open for business, I'm dragging out of bed, more exhausted than when I laid down. I'm lucky if I get my shower before noon, much less set up meetings, make arrangements, and all that I'd listed on my 'to do' list.
I look at my list and I know I HAVE to get these things done. Ok, maybe it's not life or death have to's, but it's driving me crazy not being able to get things accomplished. Usually I manage to get a couple of things done from my list and then it's over for the day. Especially if I'm working that day too. [I work in 24 / 32 hr shifts right now. After the changes on July 1st, it'll be 48hrs on duty, 96hrs off repeating]. It usually takes me the first full day off recuperating from work before I can even consider starting any of my home things too.
Ok, for instance, right now, I'm supposed to be downstairs steam mopping the kitchen, bath and laundry room of Jordan's "apartment". {the basement of our house is a separate apartment}. I promised him I would go over his floors w/my new Shark steam mop. But I've managed to successfully put it off for two days. The thought of physically getting up to do it is overwhelming. It sounds crazy, but it's how I feel.
If I could get things done as easily as Samantha Stevens did on "Bewitched",,, OMG... I'd be able to take over the world. I'd come up with a million things to get done. Then with a simple twitch of my nose, it'd be complete! If only life were that easy. <sigh>
I have to work tomorrow so today I HAVE to: mop the floors, wash my living room curtains Jordan was kind enough to take down for me and change the litter boxes. That much, at least, has to be accomplished today. I'm a strong believer in progress. As long as I see progress being made on something, I'm good. But when a project hits a stalemate... I'm all up outta my head, lol.
Ok.. I'm getting up outta this chair and heading off to make progress!!!
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